For Dark Girls Who Complains about Colorism when Black Misandry Isn’t Enough

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Okay I have been reading a lot of new articles about Colorism lately and well it’s been a mix bag. On one hand I am delighted by all the conversations on the subject but on the other hand I am sick and tired of the same regurgitated black male bashing within the discussion. I mean I did see this coming a mile away, all one needs to do is watch the OWN Special ‘Dark Girls’ to see why Black women took to cyber-space to upload their horror stories of being told, “They are pretty for a dark-skin girl” by ignorant men of color. I admit that does happen and it’s sickening and shameful but often times these same women stop there and don’t address everything else that is at play in a color coded society. They never talk about how they as Black females help to perpetuate the problem outside of having an anecdotal tale of when a Aunt or Grandmother said something effy about where they stood on the color-chart.

I know from my own journey through life as a Dark skin African-American male that girls, especially young girls, can be just as cruel as boys. I think this is extremely important to keep in mind when talking about Colorism. I have had so many encounters with African-American females that was either color-struck or didn’t date black guys. I encountered them so often that for a period in my life I lost faith in the women that resemble me.

This is the new normal for black women on dating sites.

This is the new normal for many black women on dating sites.

My experience is also true for many of the black men that I speak too. It seemed like there was always some reason to justify why black women disliked black men (Speaking for people that don’t abide by thug/hip-hop culture). I mean a black male producer could go out of his way to create a movie that mainstream *white* hollywood doesn’t expect to do well and a black woman will still use her influence to promote interracial *white* love within it. We as Black men are told that things like this isn’t a slight against us and black women furiously hold this stance even in the face of numerous black male commentators admitting that, “We feel slighted”.

These women seem to have no problem writing off the opinions of black men and it’s always fascinated me  that they do so while claiming to still care about us. I mean you would think African-American women would be more sensitive to colorism as a whole and yet they are the main ones going out of their way to abide by color-struck ideology. After all it isn’t the African-American male celebrities that get accused of bleaching themselves and Black men are not known for wearing other people’s hair.

I only mention that because it wasn’t so long ago that both black men and women felt the same shame and stigma from having “Negro” hair and both genders spent a great deal of time and money trying to look like something they was not except Black men have been able to collectively move past that while black women have regressed to the point of stealing in order to look “beautiful”.

Now I know the proper Matriarchal thing to do is to blame black men for not making Black girls feel beautiful enough but where is the personal accountability in all that?

It belittles all the African-American people that chose to be natural knowing that some people and jobs won’t like it or approve of it. It’s also sad to even give credence to the idea that black women wear weaves in order to impress black men when a lot of those sisters already abandon the idea of dating a brother.

It would be a lot less disingenuous if they could just admit that the hair thing is about impressing everyone but a black man.

It would be a lot less disingenuous if they could  admit that the hair thing is about impressing everyone but a black man.

Well to be fair, some black women have admitted that their hair is more about assimilation into the dominate society than appeasing black men and kuddos to those women for being real enough and brave enough to admit that but there is still far too much blaming of black men for their hair choices.

What does all this have to do with Colorism?

Imagine a person who has dark-skin but desires the direct opposite. This person has admitted that they don’t like the way they look and they also have a dating preference that  has little to do with the content of one’s character and everything to do with the color of someone skin. Would it be fair to label such a person as color-struck? Possibly even a self-hater?

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If so than what do you make of an online community dedicated to just that with a membership of over 28,000? What if I told you that the site isn’t a stand alone case and there are many others like it? Do you look at as a mini census; a sort of window into the minds of black women or do you ignore it all the while telling yourself that these blameless souls are mere victims of “Black male privilege“?

Our Matriarchal conditioning as black men led many to automatically say, “Black male privilege” in fact it was a black man that wrote the very article I linked and I think the reason is that we have to be the most eager to appease men in America. There is little to no resistance to claims of black male short-comings. Collectively speaking we tend to agree with Black women just for the hope of moving forward. I know I was also like that for a while. It took a black woman cheating on me and blaming black men for it before I had enough gumption to start calling out all the hypocrisy I saw coming from black women. (note: same girl eventually tried to get back with me and had convenient amnesia regarding all the black men bashing she did prior to defecting)

 There is a good reason Tiana and Pocahontas are with white men and it’s because imperialism crippled their men and Disney wants to remind them of it because Disney is a historically racist company 

 A lot of Black women have made it abundantly clear that the direction they chose for the future is one where a black man has no choice but to play Harrison to her Olivia Popeliness.

The African-American blogosphere which is overwhelmingly female thrives off a narrative that more often than not place black men as the undesirables or invisible man. *Only Black Women CELEBRITE interracial love over intraracial, everyone else just believe in it* and we as black men are told that once again this isn’t a slight against us. It has less to do with us and everything to do with them liking any image where they are the leading ladies and the desire of a man’s affection in a way that isn’t overtly sexual; but on their beloved show ‘Scandal’ is Fitz even capable of seeing Olvia without screwing her?

Oh yeah, this is so much more than an affair, it’s Spiritual! *Queue a popular black love that was sung by a black man for black women*

Their counter argument to questions about their behavior would be some what understandable if Black women wasn’t the first to question the motives of Black Men in the same type of interracial relationships.

Funny how these "Black Feminist" can write post after blog about WM/BW but let the reverse happens and it's only fetishism.

Funny how these “Black Feminist” can write post after blog about WM/BW but let the reverse happens and it’s only fetishism.

or boycott black media if the female side isn’t fully presented.  (example 2; example 3😉

We are either a source of contention for black women or do not exist. We all know the, “No Good Black Men” jargon and we all know who speak it the most and sadly its not racist non-black people but our own African-American “queens”. We as black men grow up taking heat from the dominant society and within our matriarchal black community. We are often raised by single mothers in networks of single women with maybe one married aunt or grandmother. We have a strong female bias as a result of that. People love to point the finger at Black men for abandoning the family but no one wants to discussion how we went from having a stronger family unit and marriage rate than white people to having the lowest in the country.

Black Feminism along with welfare has conditioned a lot of black women to be disrespectful towards black men and thus we have the present day matriarchy where all black women enjoys impunity from their behaviors and decisions when dealing with us while black men are criticized for everything from failing to protect them to making them wear weaves and now for their own skin-tone and color complexes.  I know a great deal of black men are fed-up and are starting to speak out against the constant barrage of  attacks coming from the black feminist camps and some of those men are just as bitter as the black feminist they are trying to reason with but pound for pound the backlash or “Black men bashing black women” is a direct result of Black women harping on black men, largely unfairly.

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6 thoughts on “For Dark Girls Who Complains about Colorism when Black Misandry Isn’t Enough

  1. Pingback: That Sigh Inducing Moment When Black People Do Not Know Their History « chocolatecoveredlies.com

  2. Thanks for the article. As a black woman who was raised in a home that rejected colorism, I agree that men and women both suffer from it–sadly at the hands of each other.

    As a people, we need to build each other up and not tear each other down. We, men and women, need each other.

    • Thanks, I wanted to really stress how a lot of Black women like to play victim while being perpetrator themselves. I would welcome a conversation about how colorism has effected our community but I dislike reading through a whole blog that demonizes one gender while refusing to hold a mirror up to itself. My biggest joy talking about Colorism has been meeting black women that rejected the color-stuck ideology or never felt like they had to deal with it. It literally gives me hope lol

      I agree with you that as a people we need to build each other up and not tear each other down but sadly a lot of black feminist blogger base their whole narrative around black male inferiority and the perception that we are violent. If I didn’t encounter so many radical black men hating black feminist than I could of became one myself but I got too turned off by them so now I blog from a male perspective just to try to counter all the black misandry online.

      Please tell me if I go too far and slip into jaded bitter male closet misogynist territory =)

  3. Glad to see another black man writing about on the crazy black feminist matriarchs of the shattered community.

    “If I didn’t encounter so many radical black men hating RADICAL black feminist than I could of became one myself but I got too turned off by them”

    Note how we exponentially grow regardless, because of my addendum to the above sentence.

    Feminism is a hate movement and as such there will be “natural” consequences to misandry, black, white, Indian or otherwise. I love that men are finally speaking up. ALL OF THEM.

    • I’m glad you enjoyed my post. I created this blog with the intention of balancing out the female driven black blogosphere. I want the male side of the story to be heard and I’ve been lucky enough to do so without alienating too many female readers. I think that’s because I take care to mention that black feminism has its merits and is not a hate movement. Radical black feminism and those that accepted the mentality that comes with it are my enemy and a enemy worthy of justifiable black male scorn.

      They are the cause and effect of my blogging existence and that’s because they tend to be the ones guilty of black male misandry. I can not in good faith say that it’s fair to label a multi-generational movement that stretches across different platitudes of ideologies by who speaks the loudest online. I idolize many women who are self-titled black feminist and their views never once bother me. I even dated a closet black feminist as my article mentions therefore I have no hatred for black feminist as a whole.

      I kinda view it as a black woman only religion and as with all religions when practice right it does lead one to being a better person but as in all religions we have the hypocrites that knows the scriptures and bends it for their own agenda. I loathe radical “it’s always the black man fault, time to go interracial” black feminist and I use the identifier black feminist only because those women label themselves as such and for me to tell them otherwise is akin to telling a Jew he isn’t really Jewish.

      My personal belief is that no true black feminist would hold such toxicity toward black men as they know through their collective writings (not blogs but actual books and academic literature) how interwoven we are to each other and how there is no them without us hence the term self-hate as applied to a member of a different gender… odd how many people think that just because they like their own gender they can not commit self-hate OF COURSE people like their own gender I thought that was Sociology 101 lol but that’s neither here nor there.

      Anyway I’m all for more black men writing and blogging. I really think we need more voices just to counter the narrative of Black man’s fault without looking like anger trolls on a comment section. It’s 2014 we need to be smarter about how we do things. I am not mad at black women for finding their voices online I just know that for every black empowerment blogger there is a black female empowerment and them ONLY #Blackpowerisforblackmen blogger and both are equally as popular. We as men have allowed them to control the narrative because generally we don’t contest their view and when we do its generally reactionary responses filled with the same type of sensationalized loaded language that we accuse them of.

  4. Pingback: That Moment Karrine Steffans Does Not Know Her History - Chocolate Covered Lies

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